In loving memory

This is a sensitive topic for me but one I’m going to write about. Why you might ask? Well because it’s about someone who is SUPER important to me and I love her tons and she’s worthy of getting her own post on my blog post. Anny I hope you don't mind....

I had a very dear friend pass away in July 2011 suddenly from a brain aneurysm. It’s a word I never thought I’d know how to spell, aneurysm, but I do. Pam was an absolutely amazing friend. She was always thinking about other people and always made sure to keep in contact with those who mattered to her. She was kind of like a “mother hen” to many. You could ask her advice on anything (literally anything!!) and she would always take the time to thoughtfully respond to what troubled you. So many people fly through life really not listening to one another but Pam always listened.


We became friends early on in elementary school and always remained in contact, some times more than others, over the years. We grew up in the same neighborhood and went to the same schools after she came to Westside. I remember fondly her mom used to have Halloween parties in the woods behind their house. I remember cruising around looking for nothing to do once we could drive. I remember many many fun times had with my dear friend.

When I moved away to college Pam rode with me to make sure I had someone with me for the ride. She stayed that first weekend with me and helped me get acquainted. I’m sure I could have totally done this on my own but she wanted to make sure and be there for me. Pam was also an amazingly gullible person. You could tell her just about anything and get her to believe you. I can think of many instances where I fibbed and told her something totally out of left field and somehow she always believed me. The trick was remembering to tell her at some point it was a joke. Her eagerness to always see the best in people and always believe that people had the best of intentions are both qualities I always admired. Last April Pam sent me an e-mail and she said “Tiffany you are GORGEOUS!!!!! You are by far the prettiest girl I know!” I am so humbled by that comment. That is really the ultimate compliment, I have kept that e-mail and will keep it for as long as possible. She was always so supportive in anything I tried to achieve, which in this case was my weight loss.

So when I got the call on July 16, 2011 that she had suddenly passed away my heart broke. My heart still breaks today. In that very instance my life was changed FOREVER. I didn’t know my life without Pam in it. There was no way she could be gone. Who would I call when I really just wanted to call Pam? As I shared the news with those closest to me I felt like I was lying to them because there was no way she wasn’t with us. I had spent the entire day before e-mailing back and forth with her and making plans for her and her husband to come over that Sunday for a pool party. She was totally fine.

This was before my weightloss...yikes!

In the days that followed I found myself constantly wondering if Pam knew how much she meant to me. It’s not something I just tell my friends regularly, though I should. Did she know how much I admired her and how much I felt as close to her as a sister? Did she know that I longed for the day she was going to be a mom because she was going to be a great momma? Did she know how beautiful she was both inside and out? I was in such shock after her passing that it really didn’t’ seem real. But now what I wouldn’t give to talk to her one more time and to hear that infectious laugh. The pain isn’t less and I don’t know that it ever will be. But I know there is a plan and I know she is where she’s meant to be. My job is to honor her and to never forget her. To share her story and to let everyone else enjoy my friend Pam, even if only for a day. She was AMAZING and she will always live in my heart. I am truly beyond blessed to have been able to be friends with her for more than 20 years. I’m the lucky one.

I have many fun stories with Pam and throughout this blog when she gets brought up now she’s been formally introduced. So this might seem like it’s a sad post and I’m not trying to be a downer. This is really just to tell you all how blessed I was to have had such an amazing friend in my life for so many years. It’s important to enjoy life and talk about all the great things but it’s also important to talk about things that help shape us into who we are as well.